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Mike Pingree

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January 7, 2001

YOU GO, GIRL: A 15-year-old British girl has discovered, early in life, the secret to success: great big boobies. Jenna Franklin of Mansfield, England, says that, for a girl  to make it in this world, "You've got to have breasts." Alas, Jenna currently does not measure up to her full potential in the mammary department, so her parents, who agree with her philosophy, say they will allow her to get implants for her 16th birthday in August. (Mom has had her own breasts enlarged.) 
The situation is currently making headlines in England. Jenna told one British tabloid that she came to her conclusions on the boob issue when she was 12: "Every other person you see on the television has had implants. If I want to be successful I need to have them too - and I do want to be successful, though I don't know at what at the moment."

ARF! WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT!? Jed, a police dog trained to seek out explosives in Sydney, Australia, was scared senseless by a sudden burst of celebratory fireworks, broke out of his police yard home, and fled. Sgt. Paul Jarrett explained to reporters, "They are trained to find explosives, but they do not all like the sound of them." 
The dog was found four days later.

SO, HAVE YOU LEARNED YOUR LESSON? Vincent Bethell has been a vexation to the authorities in Coventry, England, because of his persistent refusal to wear clothes in public. He was brought up on charges of being a public nuisance and ordered to appear at London's Southwark Crown Court for trial. 
He showed up naked.

SANTA MARIA! AIEEEE! BOIIIING! An 84-year-old woman was hanging her wash from her seventh-floor apartment in Madrid, Spain, when she leaned too far out the window and fell, plummeting toward the pavement below. But, before she could smash into the ground for what would have been certain death, she encountered her neighbor's clotheslines which broke her fall. 
She survived.

YOU'RE NOT STILL MAD, ARE YOU? Johnnie W. Walker, 34, figures it this way: A few years ago, he told off a woman in very blunt terms because she had informed the cops that he had given beer to his young nieces while he was babysitting them. "She's been angry ... ever since," he said. He believes that is why, when he and his girlfriend came out of an Anchorage, Alaska, movie theater, the woman's 17-year-old son shot him five times in the back and legs. The youth has been arrested. 
Walker survived.

Mike Pingree writes another Looking Glass column in the Boston Sunday Herald. You can read it by clicking here:
http://www.bostonherald.com/news/columnists.html

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