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Mike Pingree

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May 6, 2001

OH, THAT EXPLAINS IT: When Stuart Beech was arrested for drunken driving in New Zealand, he told police that the alcohol on his breath was actually methyl alcohol, a necessity to his nightclub act as a fire-eating magician. Once he was brought to court, however, he allowed as how the high blood-alcohol level detected by a breathalyzer test may have been due to the six beers he had drunk before driving home. 
He was convicted.

SO, WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? A broadcasting outlet in Norway hopes to boost ratings by featuring daily nude weather forecasts during its morning program. Oddly, it is a radio - not TV - show. So how will listeners be able to tell, you may ask? 
Radio Tango's morning host Michael Reines Oredam claims that the nudity will create  "a certain atmosphere to the studio which we hope our listeners are able to pick up on. "

OK, OSBORNE, COME OUT OF THERE NOW: Police in Blantyre, Malawi, arrested Osborn Karim who they found hiding under a table on an outdoor platform where President Bakili Muluzi was scheduled to give a speech. 
After explaining in court that he was drunk at the time, Osborne was fined $6 for conducting himself in a manner likely to cause a breach of peace.

HMMMM, SOMETHING DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT: A man on probation in Cleveland knew he would fail the urinalysis drug test he was required to take, so he filled a plastic sex toy with a friend's urine, covered the prosthetic member with makeup so it would look real, and pretended to relieve himself as the drug tester sat nearby. Alas, he did not fool the tester who was trained to recognize the sights and sounds of urination. He was caught and made to urinate for real. 
He tested positive for cocaine and opiates, and was sent back to jail for a year.

OH, NOOOOOOOO! UMPHH! Fellow workers at a pork processing plant in Beccles, England, pinned down Christopher Purvis on the floor, so the 320-pound Andrew Baldry - nicknamed  "Honey Monster "- could do a belly-flop on him, falling on the hapless Purvis with all his considerable bulk. The victim, who is 5 feet 8 and weighs 140 pounds, suffered cracked ribs, and has been unable to return to work since. 
The Honey Monster was convicted of assault.

Mike Pingree writes another Looking Glass column in the Boston Sunday Herald. You can read it by clicking here:
http://www.bostonherald.com/news/columnists.html

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