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Mike Pingree

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September 2, 2001

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I HAD IT COMING? A church pastor embarked on a sexual affair with his secretary shortly after she was released from a psychiatric hospital. When her husband found out about it, he gave him a beating. 
The woman, who later committed suicide, sued her paramour for abusing his position as her spiritual adviser forcing her to have sex with him because it "was God's will.'' 
The husband was convicted of assault for the beating, but now, the holy man, who resigned from the church in disgrace, is suing the husband for personal injury.

BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME, OFFICER: Criminals in Louisiana might be getting smarter. Police of late have taken to luring people wanted for crimes out into the open by sending them bogus notifications that they have won valuable prizes. The suspects are then arrested when they appear to pick up the goods. 
The West Baton Rouge Parish sheriff's office sent out invitations to a party featuring a drawing for a big screen TV to 150 people wanted for various misdemeanors, then waited for them to come in. None of them showed up.

 JUST HIS PERSONAL OPINION: The principal of Briggs Middle School in Springfield, Ore., accidentally sent parents a back-to-school message that described the students as "snot-nosed'' and "hormonally charged juvenile delinquents.'' 
He defended himself by saying a.) he was only kidding and b.) the message was not supposed to be seen by the public.

POLLY WANTS A #@$% CRACKER: Nine exotic talking birds were confiscated from their owner in Illinois because he was mistreating them, and they were turned over to the humane society. 
The birds are now in good health, but they swear constantly.

I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT: Sherman P. Hawkins applied for the job of head of the Montana Department of Corrections. Among his qualifications, he said, was the fact that he has spent the past 28 years behind bars and so is very familiar with the penal system. 
He was rejected.

Mike Pingree writes another Looking Glass column in the Boston Sunday Herald. You can read it by clicking here:
http://www.bostonherald.com/news/columnists.html

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