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Mike Pingree

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November 25, 2001

I AM TERRIBLY SORRY, SIR: Now, I don't even know if this is true, but it has been going around and has supposedly appeared in the Sydney Morning Herald. 
A couple's automobile broke down in a shopping center parking lot in western Australia, so the man told his wife to shop while he fixed the car. By the time she returned, a crowd had gathered around the vehicle. She moved in and saw a pair of legs protruding out from under it, and she could see why the people were watching. The man was wearing shorts but no underwear, and his privates had become public ifyouknowwhatImean. 
To save him any more embarrassment, the dutiful wife bent down and tucked the man's goods back into his pants. 
She stood up, and was surprised to see that her husband was standing on the other side of the car. 
The man underneath - who turned out to be a mechanic - required three stitches in his head from banging it on the underside of the car when the woman reached into his pants.

EITHER STEAL IT, OR DON'T STEAL IT: A piece of conceptual art in the Aspen Art Museum's Roaring Fork Open show consisted of a $100 bill and a sign that said,  "I Dare You to Steal This $100." Someone did.
 But, what makes it worse for the artist, a Colorado police officer, the thief left five 20-dollar bills in it's place. 
"I wanted someone to try and steal it and catch them and this makes it vague now," he said. "It ruined the whole aesthetics for me."

I THINK WE HAVE OUR MAN: Someone stole the costume for Brutus the Buckeye, the Ohio State mascot, along with the car in which it was sitting. 
Police soon located the car, which was parked near the campus, and staked it out. 
A little while later, along came two men, who they connected to the theft because one of them was wearing the striped, scarlet-and-gray shirt with "BRUTUS" in block letters on the front from the mascot's costume. 
A police spokesman said, "These were not exactly brilliant thieves."

NOW SHE REALLY NEEDS A DRINK: A woman working as a security guard at the Reno-Tahoe International Airport drank some vodka while on duty, and then, when called upon to explain herself, tried to lie her way out of it saying she had a double vodka only after she was threatened by an armed passenger. 
Officials shut down the south terminal for two hours before she finally came clean. She is looking at a possible five years in prison.

YOU'RE NOT LISTENING! A woman got into a spirited discussion with her boyfriend about something-or-other while they were riding on a bus in Atlantic City, N.J., when she suddenly grabbed him by the head and bit off part of his ear. 
The driver detoured to the nearest police station while the other passengers separated the couple. The woman was arrested.

Mike Pingree writes another Looking Glass column in the Boston Sunday Herald. You can read it by clicking here:
http://www.bostonherald.com/news/columnists.html

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