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Mike Pingree

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April 14, 2002     

LICENSE? WHAT LICENSE? A heavily intoxicated man was arrested for driving under the influence as he used a riding lawn mower to beautify the roadside in Port Byron, N.Y.     
It was his fifth arrest for drunk driving, and he had already lost his drivers license. He told the judge that he thought he didn't need one for a lawnmower. Wrong.     

MONEY LAUNDERING: A Pennsylvania woman who withdrew two $100 bills from her bank discovered they were missing the next day, and soon realized that her Doberman pinscher had eaten them when she saw a corner of a bill in a little something he had left behind, ifyouknowwhatimean.    
Her veterinarian said everything would pass through the dog within 24 hours, so she waited and salvaged what she could. She cleaned off the pieces  and brought them to the bank, where she explained what had occurred.     
The manager said, "We all thought it was hysterical. It was the first time we ever had anything like this happen."    
They destroyed the old bills and gave her two new ones.     

MMMMMM, UNUSUAL TASTE: In addition to the ever popular candy bars, vending machines at highway rest stops along Interstate 95 in Maine now also feature treats for dogs.     

LAND OF THE LOWLIFES: The tiny town of Oak Creek, Colo., just elected as their mayor a woman who has been arrested many times.     
It is said that she got into a bar fight with a man and wound up wrestling him to the ground. She also admits that she has not been averse to the recreational use of cocaine and marijuana. Her nickname is "Cargo."     
Some worry about the effect of her election on the town's image.     
Said one resident, "This has just labeled us as the scum bucket of the county."     

CLUMSY, CLUMSY ME: A man robbed a bank in Richmond, Va., but dropped the bag of money when he fled. Then he carjacked a woman's vehicle in the parking lot as she was getting in, and drove off with the alarm blaring.     
He abandoned that car, then robbed another bank 15 minutes later, but knocked down a male customer on his way out. That guy and two others chased him down and held him for the cops.

Mike Pingree writes another Looking Glass column in the Boston Sunday Herald. You can read it by clicking here:
http://www.bostonherald.com/news/columnists.html

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