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Mike Pingree

Past Columns (July - September, 2000)

September 24, 2000

LONG TIME NO SEE ... HEY, I'M TALKING TO YOU HERE ... THE NO-SEX BROTHEL ... REMEMBER ME? TURN IN YOUR BADGE! ... SHE GOT WHAT SHE ASKED FOR

September 17, 2000

RIGHT ON GIRLS, WE'RE WITH YA' ... KA-BOOM! LET'S HAVE THE MONEY ... TRICKLE-DOWN ECONOMIC PLAN ... THERE MUST BE SOME MISTAKE ... CALL OF THE WILD

September 10, 2000

UNUSUAL WEATHER WE'RE HAVING ... HEY, MAN, WHAT DID I DO? ... PAY UP OR DOBBIN GETS IT ... REACHING OUT TO HIS FAMILY ... THIS WILL TEACH THE KIDS A LESSON

September 3, 2000

ME? I THOUGHT YOU HAD HIM! ... PLEASE ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF ... THAT'S A LOT OF BANANAS ... CLEAN IT UP, AND NO EXCUSES ... TOWER? WHY IS IT SO DARK?

August 27, 2000

NOW, THIS GUY LOOKS SUSPICIOUS ... HONEY, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS PICTURE ... LEAVE THE DRIVING TO HIM ... ISN'T THERE A STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS ON THIS? ... THEY THOUGHT IT WAS BONNIE, BUT IT WAS CLYDE

August 20, 2000

IF YOU CAN'T BEHAVE ... THE UNKINDEST CUT OF ALL ... AND THAT'S ON THE RECORD ... TIME TO RISE AND SHINE, PINHEAD ... OOOH, DON'T YOU LOVE A TAKE-CHARGE GUY?

August 13, 2000

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, STUPID ... YOU CALL YOURSELF A MAN? ... OK, GIVE ME EVERYTHING IN MY SIZE ... JUST USING WHAT THEY LEARNED ... SURE YOU'LL BE SAFE HERE

August 6, 2000

WELCOME, HAVE A PLEASANT STAY ... WELL DONE, NOW BEAT IT! ... WHERE DID WE GO WRONG? ... DON'T WORRY, WE'LL GET THERE ONE DAY ... TAKE THAT, YOU SWINE!

July 30, 2000

I'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO WORK ... GETTING HIS MESSAGE ACROSS ... YOUR JUSTICE SYSTEM AT ITS BEST ... HONEST, IT'S RIGHT UNDER THE DINOSAUR TRACKS ... WE'VE HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE

July 23, 2000

HOT ENOUGH FOR YA? ... NO HEAVY LIFTING ... THE OLD SWITCHEROO ... MAKING HIS OWN BARGAINS ... AM I MAKING MYSELF CLEAR? WHAP! AM I?

July 16, 2000

ASSAULT WITH A HOME APPLIANCE ... WATCH YOUR STEP, FOLKS ... JUST HANGING AROUND ... PROGRESS AT LAST, WHIRRR, POP!  ... MEN, YOU FORGOT YOUR BAG

July 9, 2000

MONEY IS NO OBJECT, SWEETHEART ... HEY, I'M TRYING TO SLEEP, HERE! POW! ... SUCH A LOVELY COUPLE ... NEXT TIME, WAIT FOR ANOTHER TRAIN ... SEEMS LIKE A FAIR DEAL

July 2, 2000

BUT HONEY, I CAN EXPLAIN ... `I WAS FIRST,' `NO, I WAS FIRST' ... SO, WHO NEEDS A WIFE? ... DO YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT? ... YOU DON'T SCARE ME, TRAIN BOY!