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Mike Pingree

Past Columns (Oct. - Dec., 2001)

December 30,  2001

SANTA IS SUCH A BADASS ... DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM? ... THE SUSPECTS SHOULD BE EASY TO SPOT ... EXCELLENT DETECTIVE WORK ... SO HE WAS PRETTY MUCH ASKING FOR IT

December 23,  2001

DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME ... NEED A RIDE, DEAR? ... GULP! THIS TASTES FUNNY ... WELL, HE DIDN'T NEED IT ANY MORE ... WHO YOU CALLIN' IRRATIONAL!?

December 16,  2001

A BIT OF A DISCREPANCY ... COME AND GET ME! ... SHORT AND SWEET ... WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!? ... MAYBE THEY'LL LISTEN TO REASON

December 9,  2001

IS IT ME OR DID IT JUST GET COLD? ... NOW YOU SEE HER, NOW YOU ... HEY, COME BACK HERE! ... I'M JUST SAVING PEOPLE A TRIP TO THE CITY ... THINGS ARE NOT ALWAYS AS THEY SEEM ... NO BY POPULAR DEMAND

December 2,  2001

NOW THAT'S A WAR STORY ... OK PAL, TIME TO VACATE THE PREMISES ... I HARDLY RECOGNIZE YOU ... TRY TO ACT MORE NATURAL ... NO TAKE MONEY! GO GET JOB!

November 25, 2001

I AM TERRIBLY SORRY, SIR ... EITHER STEAL IT, OR DON'T STEAL IT ... I THINK WE HAVE OUR MAN ... NOW SHE REALLY NEEDS A DRINK ... YOU'RE NOT LISTENING! 

November 18, 2001

SCREEEECH!! ... THOSE REPUBLICANS ARE SO ROWDY ... LET THAT BE A LESSON ... GET A GOOD LOOK, PUNK! ... DON'T MESS WITH THE KING

November 11, 2001

WHO, ME? I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING ... MOVIN' ON UP ... JUST TRYING TO MAKE A LIVING ... OH NO, IT BELONGS TO US NOW ... AN EXPENSIVE OUTBURST

November 4, 2001

BUT IT MUST HAVE BEEN A WONDERFUL EVENING ... I FEEL PRETTY, OH SO PRETTY ... A STRONG FAMILY SOLVES ITS OWN PROBLEMS... WHY COULDN'T THEY TRY DRAMA CLUB? ... POINT OF ORDER, POINT OF OR... WHAP!

October 28, 2001

HONEY, I HATE TO COMPLAIN, BUT ... ... CONFLICT OF INTEREST ... SO THEY COULD HAVE BEEN EVEN NOISIER ... SO, WHERE'S YOUR GUN? ... THOSE ZANY COLLEGE KIDS

October 21, 2001

HOW DARE YOU COMPARE US TO SOCCER PLAYERS ... LET'S CALL IT SMALLPOX BOULEVARD ... MMMMM, THESE PANCAKES ARE GREAT! ... DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND WHY ... INTOXICATED? US? WHY NO, OFFISHER

October 14, 2001

OH, NEVER MIND ... UH, I DIDN'T MEAN YOU, OFFICER ... IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA ... YOU'RE SAYING A BIRD BROKE YOUR WRIST? ... WE HAVE A FEW BIDS FROM LIVESTOCK

October 7, 2001

TIMING IS EVERYTHING ... WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM? ... BY APPOINTMENT ONLY ... BUT I'M NOT A TERRORIST, HONEST ... BUT I CAN EXPLAIN, OFFICER